Archived Story

‘Vote as if your life depended on it’

Published 9:53pm Thursday, July 12, 2012

To the Editor:
From the ridiculous to the sublime.
Hallelujah! Thanks to the chief justice of the Supreme Court, I have been freed. No longer do I need to make those painful decisions of what to purchase. It will all be decided for me. I have been relieved of the terrible burden of self reliance. The all-knowing, all-seeing ever faithful federal government will take that burden from my shoulders. Thank God for the mavens in D.C. Life will be so much easier. No more decisions to make. To paraphrase the words of the immortal Nancy Pelosi, I will be able to sit in my underwear and paint, compose or write all manner of tributes to our majestic leaders.
No more decisions on how many square feet I need in my house. No more decisions about which Ford product I should buy. I’ll get a Chevy Volt and like it (or else). My salt-free, sugar-free diet and soft drink selections will be made for me and meat ration coupons will be available at every HHS office on the first of the month. My daily exercise program will be designed for me and paid for by the Feds, or I can pay the tax for nonparticipation. I won’t be smoking or drinking (they tried that one before) because they are not good for me and if I need a mate one will be chosen for me.
We will be attending The Church of The Divine Leader on ABC, CBS, ABC and MSNBC. Oh, and when my children are all finished nursing, they will be sent to a communal nursery (Remember, “It Takes a Village”). I will not be sad because it frees me to engage in all sorts of behavior that wouldn’t make me a good role model. In the words of the calypso singer, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Just “send it all in” and the Marxist crowd in D.C. will create a paradise for you. Everything will be free, including drugs, sex and rock ’n’ roll. If you think things are bad now, wait for another four years of this mobocracy. Vote as if your life depended on it, because it does. As an aside, all you folks on government (actually taxpayer) welfare, what are you going to do when the Chinese money runs out?
JOHN  W. LACAVA
Bath

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