Archived Story

Write Again … Down at the Bath think tank

Published 9:40pm Monday, May 6, 2013

A friend, and a fine man, sent me an e-mail letter not so very long ago.

It’s too cleverly written not to share with you, kind readers.   I think you’ll enjoy it.

So.  Here ’tis:

“Bartow,

“I always enjoy your take on the world as you see it but I have spent an inordinate amount of time lately defending your good name at  “The Store,”

or as we like to refer to it, “The Bath Think Tank.” 

“Your tongue-in-cheek piece on the unappreciated value of people from up north has kept me scrambling for excuses. The one that seems to go over best with the guys is that you played football wearing a leather helmet. Please back me up on that one if my explanation is challenged.

“I was 6 or 7 before I realized that obnoxious Yankee was two words. A couple of my buddies at the tank are still not convinced. Considering I’m getting a little long in the tooth, this southernly disdain probably goes back several generations.

“However, I think you may have overlooked other contributions made by our brethren and sisteren from up north.

“First, there was a serious dearth, a virtual famine if you will, of opinions in Beaufort County prior to their arrival en masse. Now, we have multiple opinions on any and all things southern. I am so pleased that someone from Up North thinks I care what they think about grits or Bar B Que.

“Secondly, they pay attention and get agitated at our homegrown Circus of Clowns (The County Commissioners). Adding insult to injury, the Washington Daily News substitutes commissioner comments for the comics, and then we get a rehash from an outsider who takes what Hood says seriously. Just bless his heart and be done with it.           

“Lastly, we have found the people from up north capable of significant technology improvements. Instead of using the AED shock device for reviving

heart attack victims, we get someone from up north to lean over the victim and do a Paula Dean southern accent imitation. If there is any life left in the victim, this will usually do the trick. Problem is, we are hearing strange noises coming from some of the older cemeteries in town during these seances.

“Feel free to use these in future defenses of people from up north.

“Conservatively yours,

“Jack”

Thanks, friend.

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