It is a challenge to not take things personally when dealing with a particularly personal thing like real estate. As a seller, when an offer is made on your property the best way to look at it is that someone is engaged in actively pursuing your property. It will likely not be exactly what you would like the offer to be in terms of dollars, but now you have the opportunity to begin negotiating with this interested party and see if there is a possibility to reach an agreement.

As a buyer, you have decided to begin committing to a particular property, but want to make changes to it to fit your lifestyle and needs, and want to consider those costs in your offer. For there to be a successful conclusion and sale of the property there will be negotiations to attempt to bring these two different perspectives together.

My best advice during this intense time for both buyer and seller is to not view these negotiations as personal. Sellers need to recognize that changes are inherent when a property is sold to new owners, and the potential buyers are not criticizing you or your family, but want to make the property their own. Buyers need to recognize that the sellers still own the property and are not responsible to reduce their price to accommodate the buyers’ tastes and lifestyle preferences. Obviously, there can legitimate repair issues to remedy, as well as consideration given to individuals’ schedules and constraints. All things that are negotiable between people who enter into the negotiating process in good faith.

Additionally, I recommend that personal property such as, furniture and lawn mowers remain outside of the initial negotiating round of pricing. If the parties can agree on the significant issue of real estate pricing and closing dates then there can be agreement later about sofas and chairs. I have seen real estate negotiations stall because a buyer wants to have the seller “throw in” some personal property with the sale. This only forces the negotiating to become personal and should not be in the scope of buying and selling the real property in question. Time enough during the process to talk about personal property after there is an agreed to price and a contract. Remember, you are buying or selling a house, not a piece of furniture.

There are many steps before and during a real estate transaction. There may not be an agreement reached, a contract formed and a successful sale. However, there is a much increased possibility of it occurring if the negotiations are done calmly, maturely, deliberately and in good faith that both parties want to have a new deed recorded in the courthouse.

Scott Campbell is a realtor with Century 21 in downtown Washington.