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For the first time in history, the history of the longest surviving democracy on earth, something took place here in the United States of America that should be, must be, noted.

I refer, of course, to the promotion of the sales of automobiles on the front lawn of the White House. That’s right, the White House. This, one can’t make up.

To be a bit more specific, it was just one brand of auto being hawked. And what brand might that be, you may ask. Come on, you know. The Tesla. The MuskMan’s car. Our unelected co-president’s.

But wait, there’s some more good stuff to share with you, in case you may not be aware. That being, we are going to appropriate Greenland. Our Dear Leader (Chairman Mao’s title. Remember him?)

Our own Dear Leader was emphatic in stating his intentions regarding Greenland.

Plus, this is even better, we are going to annex Canada. You know, the country along our northern border. The leader of that sovereign state seems to be less than enthused about our president’s stated intentions regarding our long-time close neighbor.

When I think of the auto sales promotion at the White House, several missed opportunities come to mind.

For instance, Jimmy Carter could have sold peanuts,

Ronald Reagan could have sold DVDs of his movies, and jelly beans (which he always had available on his desk in the Oval Office.)

Franklin Delano Roosevelt could have sold cigarette holders and canes. He was known for his canes and was a heavy smoker. The ivory cigarette holder with a quill mouthpiece was the type most frequently used by FDR.

Perhaps George Herbert Walker Bush could have sold model fighter airplanes. He was a combat pilot in the Pacific during World War II, when he was just nineteen years old.

Missed opportunities to hustle a few extra bucks.

And so ends this week’s column endeavor.

Peace.