Write Again … We’re not so dumb

Published 8:13 pm Friday, March 2, 2018

It seems that most folks who live above the “Smith and Wesson” line like to lump we southerners all together. You know, paint us all the same with a wide brush.

Well. I say to them, “We talk slow (ly) and you think we’re not too bright.”

I tell them that we might seem the way they like to stereotype us. And yes, we do talk slower than they do. But we don’t retire and move up North, do we? How “dumb” are we?

Now. Let me share with you some humor I enjoyed, which was on a birthday card I received from Marsha, a very pretty, talented and compassionate person, whose light shines on and for others. She knows I’m a word-lover.

The card said “Test Your Redneck Vocabulary,” and provided words and their meanings. It challenges you to use the words in a sentence. Let me give the word, and then the translation.

Cheer — Pappy sure does like a sittin’ in his rockin’ “cheer.”

Ranch — Can you hand me the “ranch” from my toolbox?

Did — There’s a “did” possum in the middle of the road.

Bard — I “bard” that El Camino from my Cousin Jimmy.

Rat — Go down the road and make a “rat” turn at the bait shop.

Awl — I need to get a quart of “awl” for my outboard motor.

Far — My still blew up and caught on “far.”

Bass — That was the “bass” moonshine I ever had.

All in good fun, of course. I would expect we could add at least a few Beaufort County pronunciations, and colloquialisms.

So. Many good folks in the South like double names for their girls. And yes, we drop the “g” from certain words, and many still prepare their vegetables with plenty of fat from dead animals, lots of salt, and cook then until they are mush-like (collards?). And much to my consternation, some let their dogs run loose, or tether them with ropes or even chains. Terrible.

But most of us believe in helping our neighbors. And most of us don’t abuse or neglect our pets.

And at least some of us try to eat heart-healthy meals.

Our friends from up North love to send their children to our colleges and universities, which provide good educations for far less money.

Plus, our Southern belles are second to none in pulchritude.

Well, now. That’s a gracious plenty of this, y’all.

Have yourself a nice weekend, you hear?