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Hey,y’all. Thanks for joining me here today. Please note, I didn’t say, “You guys.”

Althought I’m not sure when this masterpiece will find its way into the paper, it’s being written early morning during one of our recent seemingly non­stop rain “events.” Remember when George Carlin, social critic/comic commented on how TV weather reporters referred to rain “events”, snow “events”, sleet “events”, ad nauseum?

“Events?” said Carlin. “I want a ticket!” Cleverly funny. To some of us.

On with what promises to be a riveting literary “event.”

If I might personify a word, you know, ascribe human feelings to it, my first choice would be “affect.”

That’s right, “affect.”

You see, that long-time word served so well in conversational and written discourse. No longer, though. No, sir. Abandoned, cast aside, seldom heard by viewers any more.

It has been replaced. And what took its place? Come on. You know. “Impact.” Oh, yes. Everything is “impacted” now.

Remember when “impacted” referred to a tooth or (pardon the indelicacy) the bowels?

So. One has to feel a bit sad for little old “affect.”

Give us more, Old Timer, this is so interesting. Just what we wanted and needed to know. I know. I know.

There is no paucity of examples. How about “At the end of the day”? Or, “escalate.” It has shoved aside “increased” or “intensified.” Gone. Everything now “escalates.” Ain’t it just wonderful? “Going forward,” that is.

There’s more, of course, but as some say in Jersey, “Enough, already.” They also say, “For Christ’s sakes,” but I am not comfortable mentioning that. Know what I mean? Here in the Bible belt.

Oh, my. The lights just went out. Surprise, surprise. I can barely see to write.

Now, this could be “problematic.” And that, I assume, is worse than just a problem

Have mercy.

Later…